i breathe easier when i smell his scent..

hmmmm

2004-06-24T00:59:38Z

How to make a yay4mediocrity

Ingredients:

1 part friendliness

5 parts crazyiness

3 parts ego

Method:
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add curiosity to taste! Do not overindulge!

hmm...

2004-04-30T19:40:39Z

anyone ever hear of the Barnum effect>??

NAME ANALYSIS FOR: Christin Anna McDonald

Christin:

You are a quick study, and can be self-taught. Your curiosity can get the best of you, but you must learn to concentrate. You work hard to achieve material success through your own efforts. You enjoy a challenge. You can take thought-directed actions. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You try to be prudent. You have good business acumen. Your privacy is important to you. You have a rich inner life. You need to learn to give and receive love for love's sake. You have a need to be assured of affection. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind.

Anna:

You are adventurous with a tendency to be foolhardy. You are aggressive and definitely have leadership abilities. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr. You have a need to be up front.

McDonald:

You want to be productive and feel useful, and enjoy helping solve problems. You like to be busy and not waste time. You need to learn concentration and not to scatter your mental energies. You have a discriminating nature coupled with perseverance and family pride. You have a great deal of loyalty to those you love. You have much inner strength. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr. You have a need to be up front. You have a diplomatic flair to your nature. Equality and fairness are important to you. There is a need to learn to evaluate family ties properly.

On of these things is not like the other...

2004-04-27T01:41:35Z

yeah. so. I decided that I don't really care for Edinboro much these days. Granted, there are some people here that I've had some great times with, and I will miss them when I move back to Erie.. which I realize is oh so far away.. but I don't know. I'm starting to think that its seriously one of the worst places I've ever lived. ever.

Primarily.. Is it a sign of the times that everyone here is just all consumed with getting loaded and then seeing who they can fuck? hmm. Granted, I've gotten drunk and kissed people before, whatever, but its not a nightly thing, or even a conquest to see if I can.

Maybe I'm getting old. Or maybe I actually am more traditional that I originally thought, but I remember a time when people actually were interested in the ones they hooked up with, and kissing was something kinda cool, instead of a way to spread disease to the whole town.

Argh. Is it like this everywhere though? Or have I gone mad.. or am I just hanging out with people who are immature and stupid. or.. am I old?? (again, I know)Granted, I am in graduate school, which doesnt make me completely awesome, but I seem to hang out with my fellow grad kids or other college kids my age, or else its kids that are anywhere from 25 and have no job to 19 year old freshman. ah HA! maybe that is the reason.

so yeah. in a couple weeks, goodbye edinboro! not that erie is much better.. I'll hafta come down for one more semester of classes, and then its internship time.. then off to philly or some other unknown destination...

of course, I'll be seein' my darlings. and you can always come up to erie and see me anytime.. haha. but edinboro. ugh.

oh my. a list. its infiltrated my journal.

2004-04-13T19:55:11Z

10 Things You're Scared Of:
1. Water.
2. The South.
3. Turning out like my mother.
4. Going to hell.
5. being alone for the rest of my life.
7. Having children
8. getting cancer
9. never being able to see HIM again.
10. being rejected

9 Of Your Favorite Possessions.
1. Betty
2. my car
3. my music
4. my shoes
5. iunno... my puter
6. my leeeezard.
7. belt buckles
8. high fidelity
9. my forever borrowed hoodie

8 Of Your Favorite People
1. grandparents
3. jarred-face
4. my brother Jim
5. Alicia
6. ben
7. my lil crew of friends.
8. The most amazing person I've ever met. aka. Mike.

7 Of Your Favorite Bands.
1. The Cure
2. The Cars
3. Alkaline trio
4. Lovage
5. the Shins
6. The get up kids
7. TBS

6 Things You Wear Often.
1. jeans
2. lil t-shirts
4. hoodies
5. sweaters
6. my heart on my sleeve

5 Things You Use Everyday.
1. Shampoo/conditioner
2. toothpaste
3. hair stuff/ makeup
4. BCBG metro
5. your crack pipe

4 Of Your Favorite Words.
1. Hi
2. wanna
3. fuck?
4. dude!

3 Of Your Favorite Movies.
1. High Fidelity
2. Rat Race *(better with Derek and my Jarred face)
3. Happiness

2 Things You Wish You Could Change.
1. my lil gut
2. My addictions (bad habits: dependency, codependency, smoking, drinking, abusing my body...) ya know. the norm.

1 Thing You Couldn't Live Without.
1. Everyone who holds my heart in their hands. or at lesat a small piece of it. I luv my friends.

Nothing beats sex in the morning.

2004-04-12T05:27:48Z

except the most amazing person I've ever met.

damn it.

and what to do about this, I ask??

hhhrrrmph. i dont know.

I meet crazy individuals in my own town, and then hang out with someone who lives hours away, expecting nothing, and suddenly I'm all starry eyed.

oh god.

I'm naive.

but happy.

until I realize the thought of something actually happening is slim to none...

and life starts its cyclic circle pit of failed expectations again. woot.

who needs a drink?

roar to everything.

2004-03-22T18:16:09Z

No seroiusly. Highschoolisms and Edinboro are sucking my will to live. If you'd like to reach me, I'll be in my room.

kitchen knives and razor blades.

2004-03-03T04:19:19Z

welp. yeah. i was studying, cramming actually.. and wound up here. oh internerd!

so.. life has been odd w/o the internet ruling my time. i kinda like it.. but get bored easily. i also drink too much. but thats not the internerd's fault. Ben and I are thinking about cutting down (?) ugh alcoholism. but what to do instead? its HORRIBLE that i cant remember what i USED to do b4 i started drinking. blah. and then, who to do it with? oh man. are my friends my friends? or drinking buddies? oh well. too deep of a thought for now.

anywho. i didnt get the 14 dollar/hour job at the barber center.. but my actual job just called, and i'm finally going to get more hours.. woot! my money prob shall be saved? helped? iunno. somethin'. I spent money like i actually had a job for the past few weeks. blah.

school. is crazy. test tomorrow. ugh ugh. friends are awesome! I love everyone! life is finally getting back into line.. a good, comfortable happiness! although its still crazy.

yes. i'm beginning to sound like a lamer.

who wants to go to a show?? i also need out of this armpit of humanity they call Edinboro.

its like feeding a tic-tac to a whale...

2004-02-24T19:46:42Z

So yup. I'm at work. weehaaa! boring boring.. But. the weekend went fine, with monday being added in as part of it as well... so now it feels like Monday, but its really Tuesday.. meh. oh well.

I miss my Jarred already. He means the world to me... one of the few genuine people actually left on earth. But its still awesome, as I may not see him for a while, but when we do hang out, its like no time is left at all. These people are few and far inbetween sometimes...

and yes. the junior high part of the entry... (other then my weekend with my darrrlings) I had the BEST conversations during the ride home, sitting at a bar, and then sitting in my room til whatever time in the morning.. Things just keep getting better. Its amazing. iunno. It'll prolly blow up in my face soon, but maybe its worth it. God. I am 14 again.

Someone is blushing...

On with the day!!!

oh damn insomnia to hell!!

2004-02-23T08:05:28Z

I miss miss miss miss everyone. I'll be home tomorrow. Maybe if I sleep the day away it'll go faster..

Some of you I'll see real soon. Some of you I saw this weekend. Some of you I haven't seen for a while.. why is that?

Hung out with my J'red face today. It was grand. Ben comes home tomorrow, steada today... meh. I AM lame.

goodnight?

welp.. hey!

2004-02-22T00:55:08Z

I'm in the burg.. bout to go to a show.. woot! Almost died on the way down here.. got pushed off the road by a dude in a HUGE pick-up truck... cause he tried to go around some snow.. like he couldn't have driven through it. . insteadm make the girl in the hyundai drive through it.. blah! oh well.. i had my panic attack, and now i'm fine!!!

ANd its kinda funny, cause my sched has gone like this...
last:
Wednesday- class, drop dog off w John, take Ben to Sam's im pittsburgh so he can go to NC... drink at sam's, pass out on the couch.

Thursday- We went to the Andy Warhol Museum.. awesome awesome! the JFK exhibit got a lil old though.. no offense darrlings! then Brave New World and mad mex, nap, see ya later ben! hangin' out with my j-red face...

Friday- woke up late... drive back to Erie for class.. speed. get there only 5 minutes late.. woohoo!! i was just going to skip it, but then my ALicia was driving into town.. and i couldnt miss her! we went to college together.. she's my favorite!! hung out with the girls! much much awesomeness! i miss them already!

Saturday!! (today). woke up with a faux hawk. interesting. went to brunch, bought silly shirts and more underwear (did i mention i'm addicted?).. and then took off to Pittsburgh again.. man on man.. and ya know the story from there..

so who knows whats goin on tomorrow?? Ben comes back! yay! He makes me happier then just about anything.. I miss him though, which makes me a lamer...then back to dreary Erie we go.. woohoo (?) Hope the roads arent shitty... blah!!

and so... yes. long post. i'm off!!

xoxo

haha.. yay fortune cookie time!

2004-02-16T23:35:45Z

You will have a lot of fun in your next life because your life now just can't get any worse.

Add a fortune to your website or blog, click here.

and...

2004-02-14T01:56:57Z

HEY!

WHO WANTS TO GO SEE THE DARKNESS ON MARCH 31ST??? IT'LL BE GRRRRRRRRRREAT!

(AND JARRED, I'LL BE IN YOUR HOOD! WOOT!)

painting a peanut butter n jelly sandwich..

2004-02-14T01:55:48Z

yes I am!!

yay for today.. I slept in til 3pm.. argh. and actually would have slept longer, but I had to take the boy home for work.. woohoo! I'm kinda stoked about today/tomorrow.. Goin to Torti/Chris!/Reeves's for a "make-out party," though I dont believe that I'll be making out with anyone random at all.. BUt I'll laugh at others, so do it up!

Its also Friday the 13th. I had a horrendous horoscope, but f those things anywho!

Tomorrow... haha. SHould be kinda sweet. No super interesting plans.. I got Ben a Neutral Milk Hotel Shirt, and I'm paintin' the peanutbutter sandwich painting.. woot! (you may think this is dumb, but oh yes.. it IS cool!) I had originally bought him a Shin's screenprint, printing by one of the original members of the band.. but... I gave it to him early. because I'm a sucker. who knows whats happening though, plans wise.. I really would like to get the HELL outta Erie for a day, though Chris ALlen's ahving something later on that night too.. after his band does the lovely battle of the bands bullsh.. which i dont know if i'll go to yet or not.. oh yay, avoidance is a wonderful defense mechanism..!

but oh well.. gonna go finish painting!

AND YES!!! I'm gonig to see my J-red-face tonight!!! oh happy day!! He always makes me smile!

and another...

2004-02-07T23:06:17Z

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

hmmm....

2004-02-07T22:59:10Z

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Enneagram Test Results

Type 1	Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Type 2	Helpfulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	89%
Type 3	Image Awareness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	73%
Type 4	Sensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Type 5	Detachment	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	31%
Type 6	Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Type 7	Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Type 8	Aggressiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	45%
Type 9	Calmness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%

Your Conscious-Surface type is 2w3
Your Unconscious-Overall type is 2w1

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

heehee.. boredom..

2004-02-03T00:52:32Z

got lot s of school work to do.. so hey! how botu this instead...

If I were a [feminine] gay man... by 38886
Your name
Your Gay Man Name	Terry
Your Gay Man Occupation	Manicurist
Your Stereotypical Gay Man Trait	Rainbow decor
Your Gay Man Music of Choice	N*SYNC
Your Gay Man Cause of Death	Mobbed on way to Canada

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

<3333

2004-02-01T07:14:06Z

OH silly phone calls! oh silly me!

patience young grasshopper...!

2004-02-01T05:45:56Z

So yeah. I just got home from work.. yay working with juvenile delinquents.. they do nothing but tell dick and fart jokes, and yell out 69! for no good reason. We just got 2 more... one is ghetto as hell, but OK.. He's joined forces with another ghetto kid; I've dubbed them my "ghetto choir".. but they sing about "butt sex and bitches" haha.. one wants lots of dumb tattoos, so i tol' him to go to Ink Assassins.. haha. even though they'll prolly either laugh or groan..

Anywho.. Last night was quite awesome.. Hung out with Tim, Melissa, Ryan, Adam and Kirra for a lil bit, which was def odd at first, but decent still the same.. Lil' Madison was there! woohoo! then off to the keg to meet the psych kids and pick up my lil darrrling.. woohoo! then on to a punk rock party (those still exist?!?!) and a 5am trip to walmart to pick up some pizza... Many good times and conversations were had, even though I'm not so happy about this.. regression back to .. ? what exactly it is, I really dont know.. one of those limbo periods where you aren't offically 100% together, but are still "dating" or what not.. hmm. interesting. but.. yes, PATIENCE damn it! I'm sooo not good at it.. If i make up my mind, I rush into just about anything.. which isnt always so great, really.. but plans are made, aand conversations are good, and I'm a happy lil girl again!

And yes. i'm going to bed. after i put on some new flannel sheets! woohoo! i know this is lame.. i cant remember the last saturday night i just came in and went to bed.. Jason's friends are having a party, but i'm truly not feeling like it.. so i'm going to sleep! woohoo!

<333

well yes..

2004-01-28T05:23:29Z

one os those things.. that happens.. when everything is absolutely wonderful and then life kicks you in the nonexistent nuts.. oh yes. could have quite possibly happened. but hopefully, i'm just being fucking stupid. That or this could be the beginning of the worst week ever.

so yeah. and livejournal sux. iunno bout this thing.

somethin' i found..

2004-01-26T06:19:48Z

though some of ya may have already seen this.. I found it while cleaning out some old undergrad papers...

Smoke from his cigarettes glazes my eyeballs, stinging, drawing light to the fact that i never wanted to end up here anyway.
A quick glance around the room shows others, countless numbers,too cool to look like caring, or too unintelligent to look anything but cool.
I keep telling myself i wont get stuck again, this is the last time.
But i'll come back.
Those 2 am phonecalls aren't for intelligent conversation anyway.
They leave me feeling numb, as blank faced as the rest.
Trying to find some dream I'll will never capture. This search only results in tightening a noose around my neck. COnstricting air ways make it harder to breathe, though i breathe easier when i smell his scent.
of cigarettes and moral death.

Odd how someone can have such a negative impact on another's life... blah. Life's too short to be weighed down by people that just fuck you over... here's to something new and positive! I hope no one ever has to plod on through anything like an old, stagnant, suffocating relationship.. hopefully we've all outgrown dependence.

wellll....

2004-01-23T22:17:29Z

yeah, the project. Didnt finish it.. got stressed out. Went out with some o' my other clinical psych friendies.. and wasted a night on non-productivity. Which, I could lie and say that I needed to do it.. but I think I've been stuck in a procrastination rut for the last few years actually.. that keeps getting worse. Granted, I fooled one university into giving me a degree, but two? argh.. haha. and even now, instead of working on the freakin thing (which i'm turning in on Monday, though my advisor doesnt know it yet..), I'm going to take a nap. yay!

On other fronts.. life should be good. I SHOULD be happy. Be i have this overwhelming sense of foreboding.. like something is going to f' up super soon.. and I miss the people that are/were close to me.. and recently moving to Edinboro is sucking the life outta me. roar. Thank god for the few people I still can rely on! I love you guys like whoa! errr... something.. like whoa. oh man.

but yeah. sorry for my entrance posts to be so.. argharooney like.. BUT. they will get better, i promise! I just gotta get outta this slump.

welp...

2004-01-23T01:39:15Z

ask and you shall receive... haha. This is for my J-red-face, who ahs finally talked me into joining yet another thing to occupy my time.. haha.. but.. as i'm procrastinating.. trying not to finish my master's project that is due tomorrow.. this is all you get for now..